Amorphous - Latest Comments

Re: an unworthy thought

Daniel — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 08:19:05 -0000

Thank you. That means a lot.

Re: an unworthy thought

Melissa — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 15:58:25 -0000

I didn't know you were still writing here. I love this. Love.

Re: fat free kisses

Daniel — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 22:41:16 -0000

Thank you so much. It means a lot. Especially coming from you.

Re: fat free kisses

Jenn Zabel — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 20:29:07 -0000

You should write and post more poems. Very inspired. Thank you for sharing.

Re: a conflict of priorities

Jennifer Callahan — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 14:04:56 -0000

"But other times I feel like I’m spread so thin in so many directions that I’m failing at everything. I’m not the photographer I could be. I’m not the employee I could be. I’m not the programmer I could be. I’m not the friend I could be. I’m not the poet I could be. I’m not the lover I could be. I’m not the father I could be. Instead of being really good at something, I’m failing at almost everything."

I could have written this (with the exception of a few details, of course). Although I am married, when it comes to the day-to-day stuff, it all falls to me because of his schedule. And day-to-day, I feel like I can't stretch even one more centimeter, and that nothing and nobody is getting what they deserve from me. As hard as I struggle to keep it together, the day comes to a close and I feel like it's all falling apart.

Re: the first show

mp — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 17:32:49 -0000

pretty :)

Re: circles never end… until they’re broken

Mel — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 00:23:00 -0000

I would say keep it in its current form. If she later wants to you to turn it into something else, you can. But I think she'd like to have that token of the love that created her. And I would hope that Jess will do something similar with her ring.

Re: circles never end… until they’re broken

Daniel — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 12:33:02 -0000

Save it in it's current form? Or turn it into something special that
she can wear/enjoy/keep?

Re: circles never end… until they’re broken

Mel — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 11:51:41 -0000

Save it for Celeste.

Re: Holding it Down

Daniel — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 11:34:18 -0000

A couple. Online dating is a strange thing. More than anything I've met a
lot of new and interesting friends. Which, really, is probably an even
better outcome.

Re: Holding it Down

Lisa — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 11:31:24 -0000

Profile is good. Get any bites?

Re: on child rearing and parenting

leesawmay — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 11:16:00 -0000

Awesome.

Re: on religion

RianJepson — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 16:24:32 -0000

I really like the way you think about religion, God and the kingdom of heaven. But sadly, although you think in harmony with the bible's teachings, the church is canonical and insists we think about these things in a certain way. I'm sure that in time the church's perspective will change and will get very close to what you are thinking. It seems to me like this is the only future regarding the church and religion.

Re: on child rearing and parenting

Daniel — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 07:53:45 -0000

Mine does the same thing to some extent. She'll get mad at me and she'll do something non-constructive (or, downright destructive) as a way of ... punishing me, I guess. The stance I've taken so far goes something like this. First I tell her she shouldn't be mean or upset or angry. Then I ask her what she really wants. Then I just let her do whatever it is she's going to do (unless it's destructive, which case I remove her or the destructive items from her path). As she calms down, I ask her again until she finally says what it is that she really wants. Then we resolve that issue (usually, I'll give her whatever it is, I just didn't know what she wanted in the first place).

And I think you're right. She's so very slowly -- yet most certainly moving -- headed toward being more and more okay with it. My hope is that if a) she likes the person and b) I tell her it's okay, then that will be enough to make her comfortable. If she doesn't like someone, then I don't expect her to be with them. I only know of two people she might even consider staying with for more than a few hours: you and my friend Ramona. But we see the two of you a lot. And everyone else not so much.

Re: on child rearing and parenting

Emily — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 15:15:38 -0000

For me the hardest part of disciplining has been, when she KNOWS she doing something wrong, she knows why its wrong, and she does it anyway. Over and over and over. Also, she's now old enough to understand how to intentionally be mean. She pretty much only does this when she is mad at me about something else, but it's still hard when I say she shouldn't be mean and she'll reply, "I want to be mean!" Those two things are very difficult to deal with without losing my cool.

Also, regarding the babysitting issue, that gets easier as well. Now, we have always had mother-in-law, and Lily has pretty much always happily gone with her, since she started doing it routinely so young. However, she went through several months (mostly before she was 2) where she didn't want to watch us leave. It was ok if she was leaving with MIL, or if she left with MIL and came back and we were gone (of course, we told her we'd be gone when she got back). But now, she very happily escorts us out the door. She's also happy to stay with my parents, whereas that was more difficult before because she only saw them every couple of months. I bet she'd even happily stay with you for a while, but I know even 6 or 7 months ago, there's no way it would have worked.

Now we're still a ways off from having her stay someone she doesn't know that well, or staying at one of those drop-your-kid-off play centers. But it'll happen.

Re: on child rearing and parenting

Daniel — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 14:03:55 -0000

And yeah... you're right. We are pretty similar I'd guess. At least in that regard.

Re: on child rearing and parenting

Daniel — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 13:59:20 -0000

No. You're right. Punishment is better. I'm changing my mind (and my post).

Re: on child rearing and parenting

Daniel — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 13:56:09 -0000

You're right. It's not 100% correct only because discipline means several different things. I debated using that word specifically for a while, and finally decided to stick with it. My main reason was that the word "punish" is too weak. Because I don't scold or reprimand or any of those other things that are part of discipline. I do teach. As a verb, discipline is a synonym for BOTH teach and punish. Which, is really sort of sad if you think about it.

Re: on child rearing and parenting

Emily — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 13:49:37 -0000

I think it is incorrect to say you don't discipline. Discipline simply means to teach. You teach her all the time, right from wrong. Just because you don't use punishment, doesn't mean you don't discipline.

Here is an interesting article: http://www.phdinparenting.c...
I think you are probably very similar to her WRT discipline.

Re: fence sitter

gloria — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 11:38:24 -0000

I'm interested in hearing you describe your beliefs on any and all of the above. I like hearing you think.

Re: expectations

Tiffany — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 12:47:20 -0000

this is EXACTLY how I feel. eggg sactlyyyyy.

Re: expectations

Daniel — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 11:42:46 -0000

YES! Replacing expectations with agreements and boundaries is ideal.
In many of my cases, the agreements have to be entirely with myself,
as I cannot even "expect" that the other person will hold to that.
But, even then, agreements with myself result in stability and
acceptable losses. With agreements in place, I can hope for success
and plan for failure all at the same time.

I'm getting there. Thank you for reading, and for your support.

Re: expectations

Daniel — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 11:40:51 -0000

You do, indeed, need some expectation to get anything done. This is
true as a single person, true as a married couple with kids, and true
as a single person with children. I feel that the expectations are
more obvious and more assured for single people and married people
with kids, because there are simply more of them. They are the "norm"
so to speak.

My difficulty is that the mismatch is, more often than not, not due to
misunderstanding or complications or emergency, but often, blatant
disregard for commitment.

Like my parents indicating they'll be home "any time after 4pm" and
then they aren't there at 5pm, aren't answering their phone, I'm an
hour from my house, and I've got a starving kid in the backseat with
no food on me because I didn't plan for my expectations to not be met.
Thankfully my expectation that my bank will honor my credit card swipe
and that Wendy's will still serve chicken nuggets and cups of oranges
saves the day.

Or like booking a photoshoot for an evening because someone indicates
that they'll be taking care of my daughter that evening only to have
them postpone long enough to make it not happen.

Or like visiting a friend who claims to have a "kid friendly house"
(with kids of their own) only to find their living room in shambles
littered with trash, objects to be choked on, and things that make
enough noise when touched to bother the friends who those objects
belong to.

But you're right... the key is to set expectations realistically and
to only trust those that, not only have proven to be trustworthy, but
have proven themselves over the long haul.

Re: expectations

Daniel — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 11:31:34 -0000

She really, really is. I'm certain that, in the event of an emergency,
though she'd be a bit shaken, she'd be perfectly fine with you and J,
or you alone. Perhaps even J alone, to some extent.

And you're right, one day she will need you. I firmly believe that
children are better raised by many people -- more than just 2 -- and
that multiple positive influences allow them to round out the edges
inherent in all of our screwed up personalities and become better,
more stable people. As hard as I try and as fortunate as I am to be a
little more "feminine" and "nurturing" than most men, Celeste NEEDS
happy, positive, feminine influence in her life. I'm grateful for all
of the wonderful women in my life who provide that to her and I'm
happy to count you among them.

You have no idea how comforting that is for me, to be able to add the
two of you to the list of people that I can call upon if needed.

Just gotta teach you how to install a car seat and get you changing diapers. Ha.

Re: expectations

Jenny R. — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 10:58:16 -0000

I've found that replacing expectations and rules with agreements and boundaries has made me so much happier. Agreements have mutual understanding; boundaries can be flexible. Both can be strong, clear, and protecting. They allow me to feel safe and happy in the world.

I'm sorry you feel let down but pleased you're not down for good. Keep trekking and you'll find your footing.